My religion is a fine one and you must believe it’s true.
I don’t know why you quake while I’m explaining this to you.
Our congregation’s faith is based on respectful consent.
Of your unenlightened views, I promise you’ll repent.
Our God is ever-loving and his Grace is without end.
No need to be nervous now, I wish to be your friend.
We pride ourselves on harmony, and help our friends in need.
Please don’t shake your shackles, friend, your wrist may start to bleed.
Our God loves all His children, but demands faith in return.
If you still deny Him then your soul in Hell shall burn.
Yet if you place your faith in God, no man can do you harm.
Open your heart to His love now, while I break your arm.
In any good exchange of views, you can always object,
So, tell me if this rope is too tight around your neck.
Give and take is useful, and dissent is welcome too.
Where would you like me to stick this sharp piece of bamboo?
Our book of laws is truly good on that we can agree,
At least we can if you still wish to stand up when you pee.
It’s filled with tales of good men doing right instead of wrong.
I must admit I’ve never seen an intestine so long.
Our bodies are but vessels, it’s your soul I value most.
Pain cleanses you of sin, that’s why your testicles are toast.
This agony will save you, you can thank me free of guilt.
When Jesus comes he’ll marvel at the universe we’ve built.